Kuchiyose no Jutsu: Swarm of Plot Bunnys
by fairystail
Summary: What if Naruto was raised by a loveable Baboon from Pride Rock? What if Hinata could tell the future?What if a baby dragon appeared? These are all just random half-formed ideas that I decided to place here, no full stories and nothing in common with each other except for they all involve the world of Naruto.
1. King of Ninja

_**King of Ninja**_

The aged Hokage gave a small sigh as he began to go over the latest report about Uzumaki Naruto and how some random but rich civillian thought he was a menace that needed to be killed. Hiruen hated this part of the job but it was important that he go through every single document that he was given, even if it was nonsensical, completeley biased and only suitable as kindling.

As Hiruzen began to read he let his mind wander onto the subject of Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha's resident Jinchuriki and self proclaimed future 'King of the Ninja's'

Naruto, or Luffy, as he insisted on being called was definitly an odd kid. He wasn't that smart, was incredibly annoying and honestly the idea of Naruto on missions worried Hiruzen greatly but saying that Naruto just insipired confidence, if he said he would do something then Hiruzen knew it would be done. There was not a force in the world that would be able to stop Naruto and it was in that way that he was simillar to is parents, that was probably the only way he was similar to them though. He wasn't smart like Minato, naturally skilled like Kushina, he didn't have plans to better the world or care about his family one iota. Naruto instead was a loud, childish, idiotic young boy who could inspire confidence in everyone, make friends with anyone and eat more meat than a whole family of Akimichi. Naruto also never seemed to gather the handle of using chakra, for anything, yet despite that he would win ANY fight that he was in with just his barefists. Then there was Naruto's friends, his Nakama as he called them.

The first and closest of his friends was Nara Shikamaru a boy who loved to sleep just as much as any other Nara that Hiruzen knew but that was only trait Shikamaru shared with his family. Where as every other Nara strove to train their brains young Shikamaru trained his body, he had more muscles than a young Gai and was proficient in a three sword style of combat, something that he had taught himself.

Haruno Sakura was a cute young girl from a civillian family, she was sweet, polite and smart. She also had the habit of pickpocketinng everyone that she came across, Hiruzen himself had lost his wallet to her a time or seven. She also had the uncanny ability to acuratelly tell the weather and weilded a strange pole that let her control the weather.

Akimichi Chouji was the one who had created such a weapon for young Sakura. He too was unlike his family in many ways. The Akimichi loved to eat and while it was true that Chouji enjoyed to eat, he did not eat anywhere near as much as they did and in fact had a slim, runner like physique that made the clan jutsu almost impossible for the young lad. Not that he seemed to mind though, he always brought a slingshot around with him and with the use of a few basic seals had created a deadly array of missiles.

Hyuuga Hinata was the next on the list and was probably the oddest of the lot. She did not hold any of the Hyuuga decorum and instead spent all of her time either flirting with older women, swearing up a storm or cooking in the kitchens of some random restaurant for the day. She had also learnt how to use the Jyuuken with her feet and absolutely refused to ever lift her hands in combat.

Inuzuka Kiba had several animalistic tendencies just like his family did but where as his family came across as predators…..Kiba was prey. He was scared easily and would frequently hide, almost all of his time was spent talking and playing with animals or volunteering at the hospital.

Yamanaka Ino was the ideal version of a Yamanaka. She was smart, beautiful and knew the importance of knowledge. She seemed to always know every secret there was and could with a few words confuse some of the brightest minds in Konoha until they couldn't even tell what was truth or not, her physical skills were lacking though.

Rock Lee was in many ways like his team sensei, he was loud, wore inappropriate clothing and would cry at the oddest things but in many ways he was also very different. Born with malformed chakra coils Lee was never able to use cakra for anything except physical enhancement, not that this ever seemed to bother the boy. Knowing that he was at a disadvantage Lee had somehow manage to physically alter several parts of his body until he was part puppet and Hiruzen was still unsure on how the boy did it, he was however happy to just let it rest. He still wished that the boy would put on some pants and stop screaming Super all the time.

The last member of Naruto's friends was Uchiha Sasuke, a genjutsu prodigy who used his violin and his voice to help augment his genjutsu. Sasuke would have a bright future ahead of him if only he would stop asking all the Kunoichi he met if he could see their panties.

Hiruzen sighed as he finished reading through the document. It was pretty clear that the civillian who had filled it in had never personally met Naruto as the boy while, to put it bluntly, was quite stupid and obnoxious he had could charm anyone he met. Besides the document was full of lies.

Hiruzen gave a small smirk as he set the document on fire before pulling out his crystal ball and used it to watch Naruto's latest adventure, he wasn't surprised to find the boy and his friends camping in the middle of the Forest of Death with several dead tigers on a spit.


	2. Bunshin no Jutsu

**_Bunshin no Jutsu_**

 ** _So you wish to hear a story do you?_**

 ** _Maybe you would like to hear about a lowly commoner, life fraught with perils and hardships that he is forced to overcome until one day he is recognized as a hero of heroes and wins the heart of the fair maiden? Or perhaps you would like to hear about the cruel monster that slowly amasses his power in the shadows until one day he is ready to strike, to claim the world as his own!_**

 ** _"Hmmm yes those do have a certain...appeal to them don't they?_**

 ** _You wish to hear about these young men, and their adventures, you wish to know just how they fulfilled their dreams and became what they did don't you?_**

 ** _How would you react if I told you that they were the same person? I know it can be quite shocking but it is the truth. You see just one small difference, one twist of fate, one flap of the butterfly's wings and the story can be quite different indeed._**

 ** _Let us take a look at our young protagonist in one of life's more...unusual twists of fate and what he shall become. Hero or villain? Savior or destroyer?_**

 ** _Our story begins as all our young protagonist's stories do, with several children all eager and excited and for one young boy, it is the death of all of his hopes and dreams_**

...

His name is Uzumaki Naruto, though most call him demon-spawn. Such a young and innocent boy, despite all he has suffered he is unaware of the cruelties of the world, that won't last for long.

We all know this part Naruto failed his graduation test, could not make one successful Bunshin and as a result failed his graduation test for the third time, the last time. He was no longer to be a ninja, that path was closed off for him and there was nothing to be done about it. It is usually at this point that Mizuki, that traitorous rat of an instructor, would appear before Naruto and offer some false words of hope. The words maybe false, the hope maybe misplaced but after all is said and done our young protagonist is made a ninja. This is not one of those stories.

Depressed and downtrodden from life's latest failure Naruto trudged his way home and Mizuki missed him by a hairsbreadth. With nothing else to do young Naruto sulked inside his apartment and asked himself why he must suffer all of these cruel injustices, why was it that everyone hated him, why was he doomed to fail at everything he tried, why him?

"Why me?" Naruto cried.

Yes exactly like that. But you see crying isn't that only thing that Naruto did, he may have been overly melodramatic and everyone may have hated him but there was one fact that Naruto could not deny, his most recent failure, his never becoming a ninja of the leaf was a result of that thrice-damned Bunshin no Jutsu. Naruto, despite everything that has happened on that day decides that he will make a successful Bunshin no matter what!

Using some of his chakra Naruto tried to make a Bunshin but as always he failed, a pale, sickly wisp of a thing is his only reward. Naruto tries again with more chakra this time but the outcome is the same. Again with a lot more chakra and this time something is different, there is a little color where before there was none. Smiling despite himself Naruto tries again, using almost all of his remaining chakra, it is an amount so great that all of Konoha can feel it but alas his Bunshin attempt is better than before but it is still lacking something and as such Naruto tries one more time. This time he gives it all that he has, his chakra, mind, heart and soul, he gives the Bunshin it all.

The amount of power used in that one, simple E-Rank jutsu caused incredible damage to Naruto's tiny apartment, destroying it completely. Not that it mattered too much though, after all our young protagonist had just died.

You see chakra was a wonderful thing, the life force to all of those who possessed it. Unfortunatly when all of said life force is gone...well the user's life is quick to follow. As such in the remains of the destroyed apartment lay the cold, unmoving corpse of Uzumaki Naruto.

But worry not, our young protagonist's story is not over yet, far from it. Maybe it was the result of the nine-tailed fox that was sealed away into Naruto, maybe it was the fact that he was the last of the Uzumaki a particularly innovative and unusual clan, maybe it was the fact that he was the test subject for a new, never before used seal, maybe it was because no one had ever died of chakra exhaustion from creating a regular Bunshin before or maybe, just maybe it was a result of all of the above, connecting and mixing in some bizarre way, we shall never know the why or the how but we know enough. You see once the smoke cleared there was one person still standing there to behold Uzumaki's corpse. Cerulean blue eyes regarded the corpse, slowly taking it all in.

The person sucked in a lung full of air and Uzumaki Naruto's scream of fear filled the night air.


	3. Circle of Life

_**Circle of Life**_

There are many odd, strange and unique jutsu in the world. There is a jutsu where you could perfectly clone yourself, one to bring back the dead, one to take over a perons body but no jutsu is more unique than the Kuchiyose no Jutsu. If one person used it they may summon some dogs, anoher some snakes and another a monke. Depending on who used it something very different could be summoned but there was one thing that a young Uzumaki Naruto picked up on. No matter what was summoned they would be a friend to the summoner. For a young boy hated by all a friend was just what he needed so after much learning he eventually figured out the hand seals to the Kuchiyose no Jutsu and he used it.

Uzumaki got many things from his summon.

A friend.

A mentor.

An ally.

A father figure.

And he got a wise old coconut that was a few gourds short of a bunch.

Most important of all he got a baboon by the name of Rafiki.

…

Kakashi waled into the classroom, intent on meeting his new students only to find two of them there, where was the third?

"Aren't there supposed to be three of you?" he asked.

The resulting response was not what he expected, he expected a verbal answer, maybe to be ignored but instead the pink haired girl and the black haired boy just let out a loud groan and banged their heads on the desks in front of them. "Why kami why did we have to be put on a team with him?" they asked simultaneously.

"I do not think that kami-sama is in those desks," a young voice said and Kakashi found a blond haired boy appearing in front of him, somehow hanging upside down from the ceiling. The blond was only wearing a pair of pants and he had a long stick with two gourds tied to it.

"You must be my third student then," Kakashi stated.

The blond turned to face Kakashi, "I don't know am I?" he asked. "Or am I your first student? Or what about your second student? Am I even your student at all? Ah yes that is the question isn't it?"

The black haired boy raised his head, "just ignore him he's like a bad fortune cookie or something," he muttered.

…

"I want you three to go around and introduce yourselves," Kakashi ordered.

"Why don't you go first to show us how it's done sensei?" the pink haired girl asked.

Kakashi thought about it briefly then decided he might as well do it if only to mess with them but just as he opened his mouth the blond interrupted him.

"Ah yes Hatake Kakashi such a life you have lived. So much death follows your footsetps, dogging you and taking those you love but sadly for one death was not the final answer. He was dead then he was reborn, his path is clear yet his heart is clouded."

Kakashi, the black haired boy and the pink haired girl stared at blondie for several minutes. "Okaaayyyy that's enough for introductions," he decided. "I'll see you all tomorrow for a survival test. Goodbye."

…

The test had started and Sasuke and Sakura had disappeared into the trees yet Naurto the creepy little student had stayed out into the open.

"You know you should probably hide and think of a plan," Kakashi stated simply.

"You are quite like your father," Naruto announced randomly.

"I doubt you knew my father at all," Kakashi stated.

"Knew your father?" Naruto asked before breaking into laughter. "I know your father."

"My father is dead how can you know him if he's dead?"

"Because he still lives!" Naruto cackled before running towards the trees, "follow me!"

Kakashi stared after his retreating student for a few seconds before shrugging, worst comes to worst it was just an idiotic trap best case scenario his student was crazy, there really was no downside to this as far as Kakashi saw it so he chased after the blond.

As he chased after the blond Kakashi noticed that the trees were growing thicker, closer together and bending in unnatural ways, despite all of his skill and grace he could not avoid running into a few but he perservered on, following the insane laughter of his student.

Then Naruto appeared out of nowhere, scaring the hell out of Kakashi. "Shhh quite," the blonde whispered. "folow me," he then slowly crept over to a stream and gestured for Kakashi to come closer, "look what do you see?"

Deciding to humour the blond Kakashi looked forward and into the water.


	4. Tarot

_**Tarot**_

Since a young age Hyuga Hinata had always been afraid. She was afraid of fighting, she was afraid of the cold hard stares of her family, she was afraid of being weak, she was afraid of large dogs and just like everyone else Hinata was afraid of the unknown.

One day at the age of six Hinata was walking through the market place, looking for a gift for her sister's upcoming birthday. As she was walking a strange, creepy old lady grabbed Hinata by her arm.

"Ah what a lovely little deary you are," the old woman cackled slightly, scaring the little girl. "Tell me deary would you like to have your cards read?"

Hinata was frightened, who was this strange lady Why was she talking to her? What did she mean? What did she want? Where were her guards? What cards? Hinata was terrified and in her fear she froze, unmoving and unacting.

The old crone just laughed at Hinata before deciding to just ignore the girl's fear. Out of nowehere a card appeared in the crones hand. "Ah yes the five of swords, you will soon face a great adversity of a physical kind. An attack maybe?" the crone asked before another card appeared in her hand. "Then we have Courage, you will find an inner strength that not even you yourself know you possess," the crone told the still frightened Hinata. A third card appeared in her hand, "then finally we have the Eight of Swords Reversed, you will find release from your troubles and worries, very little will bother you any more."

"Have a good day deary," the old crone laughed before letting go of Hinata and allowing the little girl to run off in fright.

…

It was an hour later, Hinata had almost completely forgotten the old crone and had found the perfect gift for her baby sister, a stuffed dragon that she named Puff, when it happened.

A rude boy came out of nowhere, he was big and scary with these weird markings on his face. He was also very old, a big kid, he was probably nine and he was glaring down at Hinata.

"A stuck up lil princess, you look lost," the boy sneered.

Shaking in fear, Hinata slowly backed up, away from the boy.

"Not gonna say anything princess?" the boy asked with a slight growl, "am I not good enough to talk to for the likes of you stuck up Hyuuga?"

Hinata didn't say anything, still way too scared to talk and so she just backed up and backed up until she hit a wall.

"Look's like the little princess has nowhere to go," the big kid mocked. "Now how about I teach you some manners?" he asked before walking up and slapping her.

Still Hinata made no sound, her fear keeping her mute even despite the pain.

"Still too good to talk to me now?" he asked before punching her in the stomach, causing Hinata to drop Puff and fall to the ground in pain. Still she didn't make a sound.

"What's this?" the boy asked evily and he bent down and picked up Puff. "A stupid little toy, for a stupid little girl!" the boy then dropped it on the ground and stepped on it.

Despite her pain, despite her fear Hinata slowly pulled herself to her feet. She couldn't be afraid, not now. Puff was in danger and Hinata had to save him for Hanabi.

"Leave him alone!" she shrieked before moving forward and poking the boy several times.

If Hinata was a normal girl and that was a normal poke then it would have done nothing to the boy but she wasn't a normal girl. Hinata was a Hyuga and not only that she was the Hyuga heiress and as such while only six she still knew enough to seal of chakra to someone's limbs, sure she was slow, clumsy and it wouldn't last long but Hinata was only against a kid who wasn't even trying to defend himself.

She walked away with a smile after saving Puff from the bully.

Later that night when Hinata went to bed she found three cards laying innocently on her pillow, they were the cards that the old crone held. Remembering the incident and remembering the meaning of the cards Hinata couldn't help but smile. Two of the cards had come true after all and if Hinata could learn their secret then maybe she wouldn't be afraid anymore and then the third card would come true as well.

…

Ever since that day years ago Hinata had changed no longer was she afraid, she knew when she was going to suceed and when she was going to fail, when she would be hurt and when she would be saved. It was the not knowing, the uncertainty that held her back but now that she knew she was fine.

Calmly Hinata shuffled the deck of cards in her hands, allowing her chakra to flow through them, fill them and help. Once she was ready she pulled a card out and regarded it. "It appears that I shall pass this test," she muttered as she looked at Kurenai opposite her.

"I look forward to learning from you in the future Kurenai-sensei," Hinata said sincerely as she put away her cards and charged her sensei-to-be.

…

Hinta regarded the room of hopeful chunin and subtly drew her cards, using them to tell her just what she needed to know. For instance for Kabuto she drew the Seven of Swords, he was a traitor and Hinata would stay away from him. A genin from Kusa was more dangerous than she appeared and any confrontation against her would result in Hinata's death. None of the Konoha genin would end up promoted except for Shikamaru and the boy in Green would be severely injured. Sasuke's fate would be forever changed by what was going to happen but it wasn't exactly clear on how his fate would change, would it be for the better or for the worse? Hinata wasn't sure. The red haired genin from Suna...no matter how many times Hinata drew for him all that she got was death, the kid would experience a great change and while the death card did not necessarily mean anyone was going to die such a great change did not usually happen without a massacre.

The cards hadn't been wrong to Hinata before and as such she made note of those who to avoid. They may not get promoted and they may not die in the Chunin Exams but it was best never to tempt fate just in case.

…

Hinata stood opposite her cousin in the arena and regarded him calmly even as he stared at her with eyes filled with hate. "You let the past cloud your eyes cousin, when will you choose to learn from it and move on?"

Neji sneered, "I have learnt from it," he announced. "I have learnt that our fates are unchangeable and that nothing we do can ever change it."

Hinata shook her head, "you are a fool cousin, not even fate in all of it's glory is set in stone it can be changed, and even if it couldn't one such as you could never see fate's true design."

"I see that it is your fate to lose against me in this fight," Neji mocked.

Hinata pulled a card out of her sleeve and regarded it, "it is true that if we were to fight here then I would lose," she informed her cousin. "But I would only lose if we fight. The match has not started cousin nor will it start. I refuse to participate in this match, thus the match does not start and I will not lose against you. The fate you saw was wrong!" with a cool smirk Hinata turned on her heel and walked away from her cousin and out of the arena.

The proctor stared after her, unsure of just what had happened.

…

It was the day before the Chunin Exam finals and Hinata found herself in the Hokage's office, tears in her eyes.

"What brings you here today my dear?" the Hokage asked her softly, kindly.

"I-I just w-wanted to t-tell you that while y-you would b-be missed Konhoa will still g-go on wi-without you," Hinata sniffled before she turned and ran out of the office, crying as she did so.

…

It was the day after the Hokage's funeral that Hinata found an ANBU waiting outside of her house for her.

"Hyuga Hinata. This is for you," the ANBU said, giving Hinata a parcel before disappearing.

Attached to the parcel was a note.

 _To Hinata-chan_

 _I just wanted to thank you for your kind words. While it pains me for a child such as yourself to have seen what I must surely assume is to be my death it means a lot to me that you said what you did._

 _Do not worry child I am confident that no matter how I die, it will be with a smile on my face and the knowledge that Konoha will go on as strong as ever and I owe that all to you._

 _As a thank you I present to you this gift, may it help you branch out in your special skillset_

 _Yours truly, Sarutobi Hiruzen, God of Shinobi, The Sandaime Hokage._

Inside the parcel Hinata found a crystal ball.


	5. Spot

_**Spot**_

" _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"_ I internally cursed as I regarded the intense darkness around me. Of course only I could get into such a stupid situation.

I ad lived an average life, nothing special about me in any way shape or form...well that was until the end. You see I was walking along the street when I noticed lots of smoke coming from a nearby house and a woman's screams could be heard. I didn't think I just acted and ran in to save her. I must admit that I felt like such a her when I pulled her out of the fire but then she mentioned that Felix was still inside. I was hesitant but I couldn't bring myself to let someone else just burn so I rushed back in. No matter where I looked I couldn't see Felix but I found his bowl….His labeled cat food bowl on the floor of the kitchen. Unfortunatly I found it too late, the smoke, the heat and the flames were too much.

I died.

I died trying to save a fucking cat.

" _Lamest death ever_ " I thought, not appearing to have the capacity for speech whereever I currently was. Well at least the darkness was shrinking…...shrinking? _"What the actual fuck!"_

Suddenly, I don't know how but suddenly I was in a tight, uncomfortable cage or crate or something. I couldn't see but I was contained, trapped and very, very, very claustrophobic. I did the only thing reasonable in such a situation.

I panicked.

I thrashed about, screamed, attacked the walls and did all I could to escape. Nothing seemed to work but I did not give up, I kept going and going and going and going until suddenly the darkness cracked and there was light.

" _Oh sweet glorious light oh how I missed you!"_ with light in sight I focused my struggles even further and fought more, cracking the darkness more and allowing the light to fill my sight more and more until something shattered and I was free.

I don't know what I was expecting to find when I was free, maybe I didn't expect anything? I don't know but what I found was a clear expanse of sky, nice fluffy white clouds, an endless sea of sands and a large stone like egg that I had just crawled out of.

I stared at the egg for a very long time, _"an egg? I just crawled out of an egg? How does that happen? How? What am I some kind of bird or lizard?"_

In my shock I looked down at my body, then I turned and looked at the rest of my body, then back tot he egg. Well I wasn't a bird and i'm not entirely sure if dragons counted as lizards.

My scream filled the desert air.

…

I had been a dragon for two weeks, wandering the endless sands of time...ok fine the random desert that I had found myself born in but sands of time is way cooler sounding. In that time hunger had caused me to kill and eat several animals that I encountered, I never thought that id eat raw scorpion but I hadn't learnt the fire breathing thing yet, same with flying unfortunately, but I made do.

It was as I was walking that I came across my first sight of people. They were dressed strangely and it was only a man and a little boy, both walkin casually through the desert.

I wasn't sure if I should approach them or not so I decided to tail them for a bit. Well I decided to tail them until the man pulled out a knife and lunged at the boy.

One thing to note about dragons, even baby ones the size of an average dog like I was, is that dragon muscles are strong, really strong and dragons are fast, really fast. As soon as I saw the man lunging I was already moving and there just in the nick of time to knock the kid over and feel the knife bounce harmlessly off of my scales.

Not even looking to see if the boy was okay I turned on the man and growled fiercely at him. I don't care what the reason was who the fuck tries to kill a little kid!

The man seemed shocked to see me but quickly that shock in his eyes turned to determination and he let out a few words in a language I didn't understand, made a few hand-gestures and suddenly lightning bolt came from the man, aimed straight at me. I thought about dodging but quickly shook that off, the kid was behind me. _"If I died for a stupid fucking cat then I can die for a kid,"_ I thought resolutely as I watched the lighting bolt come closer and closer. Suddenly the kid let out a scream and a wall of sand appeared out of nowhere, protecting me from the lightning.

" _Well glad i'm not dead but fuck it's like DnD or something...who cares for now I gotta take care of this mage."_

I didn't really like the idea of it but maybe it was the dragon's instincts that made me okay with killing the older mage, if only to eat. Since I was a human before does this make me a cannibal now? Will I turn into a wendigo dragon? Not sure if that will be cool or not.

Shaking my head to clear it from the unnecesary thoughts I rushed forward, smashing through the wall of sand and into the mage behind it. Not even hesitating I grabbed his leg in my mouth and bit down. HARD.

I am ashamed to admit but he tasted really good. Sadly for the man once his leg was broken in my jaw, well he was quickly a goner, especially when I pierced his neck with my tail.

After the kill I allwed myself a few moments to eat before I remembered the boy. I turned to look at him and saw him looking in my direction with a look of complete fear, i'm not sure if it was directed at me or the half-eaten mage who had tried to kill him though. The kid looked terrible so I did the only thing I could think of.

" _God i'm never going to live this down,"_ I slowly walked up to the kid and….I licked his face like an eager puppy.

The smile he gave me was kinda worth it.

Suddenly the kid was smiling and talking a mile a minute, I didn't understand a single word that he said...well I did understand one word.

"SPOT!" the kid yelled out happily while pointing at me.

Great i'm a dragon who used to be a person, I essentialy came back from the dead, am now slightly immortal, just killed a mage, saved the kid's life and now he decides to call me spot like a stupid dog?

"Spot," the kid said again, petting my head this time.


	6. Extrovert Thespian

**Extrovert Thespian**

As a kid Naruto didn't have any friends. People didn't abuse him, hurt him, overcharge him or any of that, hey just avoided him. He didn't have people to spend his time with, play games with or anything like that. A boy with no friends and nothing to spend his time with however will still be able to find a way.

One day at the age of six a traveling theater group came to Konoha, theater groups weren't well liked because of the easy chance to sneak in a spy but still they came, they passed all the security checks, allowed all of their possessions to be searched and after hours they were given clearance. The first thing the theatre group did was they made their way to the park and put on an impromptu show, nothing fancy, nothing special just a small show to let people know they were in town and get their name out a bit.

Young Naruto found himself in the park and watched on as the theater group did what they do best. He watched on as they spun a tale with all of their actors, a tale about a little girl, an evil wolf, a sickly grandmother and a bumbling woodsman.

Everyone 'oohed' and 'aahed' at the right moments, the theater group was rather good after all, but Naruto didn't ooh or aah. He screamed when the wolf showed up, cried when the granny was devoured, shouted at the little girl for trusting the wolf and he yelled in joy when the day was finally saved. To everyone else it was just a story, a play but to Naruto it was much, much more than that.

When the impromptu play was over Naruto found himself face to face with the actress who had played the little girl, she and all of the other actors had noticed how much he loved the play and decided that they would offer him a free ticket to the rest of the plays they did while in town. "Money was nice," she told him, "but someone who truly enjoys our work is even nicer."

They stayed in town for two weeks and for those two weeks Naruto followed them around like a lost puppy, eagerly watching all of their plays and while he was loud and annoyed some of the other people watching the plays, he was still the theater groups favorite customer, even if he never actually paid for anything.

They didn't come back to Konoha many times after that but every now and then Naruto would receive a letter or a gift from the theater group and he made sure to practice, practice so that oneday he could be up there on that stage with them.

…

"YOU ARE THE KYUUBI KITSUNE!" Mizuki yelled, pointing straight at a twelve year old Naruto.

Iruka felt his heart break when he saw Naruto look down in sadness, his hair shadowing his face and a hand raised to wipe the tears that were sure to be falling. When Naruto lowered his hand Iruka watched as his student's body began to shake, convulsing as he cried. But something was wrong, that didn't sound like crying coming from Naruto, but what else could it be? It couldn't be laughter could it? It...It was laughter. Naruto was laughing? But why?

"SHUT UP DEMON!" Mizuki screamed angrilly, rushing towards Naruto in a blind-rage.

"Naruto RUN!" Iruka cried, himself rushing forward but he was too slow, he knew that.

But Naruto didn't run, he just looked up and both of the chunin froze, terror clenching their hearts. Demonic, red eyes bore into the both of them, chilling them to their very souls as Naruto's laughter slowly subsided. "Oh my oh my, the prey thinks that it's the hunter, how…..cute," Naruto drawled through fanged teeth.

Neither Mizuki or Iruka said a word as they slowly inched away from the boy before them.

"You were hoping to cut me open, see my stomach spill all over he ground weren't you?" Naruto asked, slowly creeping forward like the hunter he was. "Never fear you will get to see my stomach, the dead deserve a final wish after all. But you will be seeing my stomach from the inside," Naruto informed Mizuki, a wicked grin on his face.

Mizuki did the only smart thing in a situation like that, he bolted.

"Run, run, run my cute little prey! I like to work up an appetite before a meal," Naruto crowed after the fleeing man.

Iruka stared at the demonic boy in fear, he wanted to run, to say something, do something, do anything but he couldn't, he was frozen in fear. When Naruto turned those red eyes towards him, Iruka felt his bladder empty.

"And you thought that theatre was just a waste of time Iruka-sensei," Naruto laughed as he spat the fake teeth into his hands. "All I did was copy my script as the big bad wolf and I sent that bastard running away, screaming like a baby."

Iruka passed out.

…

They were on a mission in Wave, protecting a drunk bridge builder and he built his bridge and Naruto decided to go and check out the town, have an up close and personal look to see what this Gato was doing to the place. After a while of looking around he found himself in a bar, a plate with a plate of food and a drink in front of him.

"Look at this little brat, boys!" a large, burly man shouted as he sat down next to Naruto. Naruto didn't say a word. "What's the matter boy? Missing ya mama's mangos?" the man laughed.

"As a matter of fact I am!" Naruto said calmly, he then moved fast and had his face in front of the man's face, but not as much as your daddy's cooking!"

"E-exactly where did ya say ya was from?" the man asked in shock, he hadn't expected for the boy to have a spine after all.

"Me? I'm from Kiri. Out there, beyond the horizon, past the sunset. The bloody mist," he finished with a whisper as he lent back against the bar. Getting into the swing of things, Naruto started to slowly swagger away from the bar, "yeah that's right, the place I come from we kill a man before breakfast just to work up an appetite!" there was a large gasp from the bar patrons. "Then we salt them, pepper them, then we braise them in clarified butter and then, here he lowered his voice to a low growl, we eat them."

A man, covered in scars, a tri-corner hat on his head and an axe on his back gulped, "you...you eat them?" he asked fearfully.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" Naruto screamed in his face, stealing his hat as he did so. The crowd gasped again. "Hell I've seen things that would make a grown man lose control of his glandular functions! You spend three days in a horse carcass, living of your own juices, it'll change a man." Naruto grabbed a cardplayers deck, "oh yeah," he muttered as he sent the cards flying everywhere. "Got a few extra aces in this deck gents, just the way I like it."

Naruto then swaggered back to his seat and sat down, he looked at the burly man who whimpered in fright. "You're paying for my meal or you can become my next meal," Naruto finished casually. "The names Naruto."

The crowd muttered amongst themselves, "say are you the one who killed the Jenkins brothers?" someone asked.

Naruto nodded, "yep, killed them with one shuriken. Don't get any deader."

"All seven of them?" someone asked in shock.

Naruto nodded again, "yup all seven of them."

"Er how exactly did ya do that Mr Naruto sir?"

Naruto took a swig from his drink, "well listen up because this is where it gets complicated..."

…

Kakashi looked at his blond student, "let me get this right, you walked through town, had a meal, got made the local constable, picked up not one, not two, not even three but four woman at the same time and all of whom are way too old for you, got into a business deal with Gato and have freed the people of Wave how exactly?

"Well ever heard of improve acting?" Naruto asked with a sheepish blush.

Kakashi just sighed and buried his face in his hands, he would not cry, he would not cry.

It was at that time that a naked woman only wearing Naruto's newly acquired hat came out, "Naruto my twin sister showed up, come on!" she called.

To this day Kakashi would not admit that he cried.

…

…

…

Totally got this idea from Rango


	7. Circle of Life 2: In Upendi

Sasuke stared at his brother, Mangekyo Sharingan eyes blazing. He was not sure why Naruto was in this town or why Itachi and the shark man were after the blond but it did not matter, finally he would get his revenge.

"i should thank you brother, if it wasn't for you then I would never have learnt what true suffering is. Let me show it to you," he smirked.

"Oh? I would like to see you try," Itachi responded a smrik also on his face.

"Hey Naruto..." Sasuke called out, "don't you think they make a cute couple?"

Naruto stared at the two, a look of concentration on his face.

Itachi stared at his brother, "it appears that you have lost what little reamins of your mind younger brother."

"you should not try to hide your feelings nii-san. Naruto why don't you help them out?" something about Sasuke's smirk sent cold chills up Itachi's spine, he was about to respond when suddenly everything went black.

A second later Itachi found himself floating along on a giant pink petal with Kisame next to him.

Then Naruto's voice filled the air.

 _There's a place where the crazy moon_

 _Makes the monkeys sing and the baboons swoon_

 _And the sultry scent of the lotus bloom_

 _Will carry you away_

Naruto pushed some sort of flower into Itachi's face causing the missing-nin to sneaze sending the petals flying everywhere. When his vision cleared Itachi saw several hippos swinging on vines.

 _Where the hippos swing from the jungle vines_

 _And the rhino rhumba in a conga line_

 _And the pink flamingoes are intertwined_

 _As the stars come out to play_

The rhino's ran into the flamingos causing stars to appear which Naruto grabbed a hold off and threw up into the sky.

"not real. it's not real," itachi muttered to himself yet no matter how much he tried his angekyo was adamant that it was in fact real, everything he saw, the stars, the dancing animals, everything in some bright pastel tone was all real and it would not end!

 _In Upendi_

 _Where the passionfruit grows sweet_

 _And it's so divine_

 _That you lose your mind_

 _As it sweeps you off your feet_

 _In Upendi_

 _Without a worry or a care_

 _It just takes two_

 _To make it true_

 _Your heart will lead you there_

"Oh hell no!" Itachi cried as he tried to shove Kisame away, the blue idiot tried to kiss him! "Stop this! Stop this now I want out! I want out," he sobbed quietly. "I want out."

 _You better watch your step 'cause the path is steep_

 _Better hold your breath cause the water's deep_

 _It's a long way down over Lovers' Leap_

 _But falling's half the fun!_

 _..._

"In Upendi. In Upendi. In Upendi. In Upendi," the comatose missin-nin murmured, his eyes unseeing as he rocked himself back and forth. Sasuke walked up to the older Uchiha, "now our family is avenged brother," he whispered. "and remember if you come near me ever again...Naruto has a lot more songs he wishes to share with you."

"In Upendi. In Upendi. In Upendi."

...

...

...

Am I the only one who wanted to break Itachi's mind with a disney song? Yes!? Well clearly the rest of you are insane because that is a perfectly logical thought and desire to have.


End file.
